Devon Price, PhD in his book Unmasking Autism has an exercise on Special Interest Week. This is a week that is spent reflecting on autistic joy.
Day 1: Your Oldest Special Interest
It was extremely difficult to parse my oldest special interest because a lot of my interests were all discovered very close together: Books, Rainbow Brite, mermaids, dolphins and RPGs (Role Playing Games).
After some investigation involving my mother and timelines (when did Little Mermaid come out (1989, making me 5) When did Caz go down to Mexico for those magic asthma pills (he was 14, making me 6)? When did I show an interest in dolphins (when we went to Las Vegas, making me around 8)? When did Caz start playing Dragon Quest (when he was 13, making me 5)? What was the first thing you noticed I had a special interest in (books, you taught yourself how to read at 4)?) Of course, it is books. I loved books before I could read; being read to was my favourite thing. I taught myself how to read when I was 4 years old (with the help of my 2 dyslexic sisters). I distinctly remember my sisters being taught phonics by my mother. She had made letters out of sandpaper, and Billi-Jo and Bridget had to have them behind their back and feel with their fingers what the letters were. They always ended up using me to cheat, which was silly as I didn't know my letters either. But apparently, it clicked in my brain pretty fast because I was always able to help them cheat. At this point in my life, books have imprinted so heavily onto my brain that I'm unsure if it's possible to define my "self" without books.
This love has grown and mutated, as I have over the years, from reading to collecting, to protecting, to binding, to learning how to make the parts (paper!). I've collected so many books I have my own room dedicated to them. I've even given my library a name: Sanatorium pro Anima (Sanatorium for the Soul) because books are convalescence from the mental illness the world causes me, as well as being the Latin version of the inscription rumoured to be on the doorway at the Great Library of Alexandria (it's own version being Greek of course). This same sentiment is echoed in the Baroque-style library of the Convent of St. Gall in Switzerland.
Libraries fed my interest in learning the history of books, and the history of libraries, as well as the history of printing books. Which helped me learn tidbits such as the oldest known novel "Tale of Genji" which is over 1000 years old was written by an unnamed noblewomen known simply as Murasaki Shikibu (which is simply a description meaning the colour purple and Ministry, respectively); green books used to kill people due to the arsenic used to colour them (this is why in movies, cartoons, etc. everything poisonous or toxic is shaded that particular green); the amazing detailed artwork that monks put into books that I wish was still an art form today; also the difference between a codex and a book (codex are the precursor to books and used vellum, papyrus or other not paper materials. Yes, paper is different from vellum (animal skin) and papyrus (reed plant). Paper is made from the cellulose of plants. The fascinating history of how rags became paper, but I digress).
I inhale every bit of book knowledge I can get my hands on. My love of books is on a different level than my love of reading and is very much a separate special interest.
Day 2: My Most Recent Special Interest
Well, this one is easy. My most recent special interest is Autism. Not understanding that I was autistic until 38 years old and my need for knowledge and knowing things has made this the only thing I have been really focused on since February. I went from reading science fiction and fantasy novels, to reading only non-fiction and only books on autism.
As I work at a University, I also have access to all the latest research papers on autism and I've read almost everything that has come out in the past 4 years. As I've learned about autism, I've found out that females and trans people are more populous as autistic people than males (the ratio of autistic men to women is 3:4 according to Finding the True Number of Females with Autistic Spectrum Disorder by Estimating the Biases in Initial Recognition and Clinical Diagnosis by Robert McCrossia, 2022), yet 80% of females and trans people are undiagnosed.
I've also learned about the mental toll that masking autism takes on autistic people and how detrimental it is to mental well-being with it leading to depression, anxiety and often suicidal ideation (Looking good but feeling bad: "Camouflaging" behaviors and mental health in women with autistic traits by Jonathan S. Beck and others). Hence the reason I now blog about my late-diagnosed autistic experience in an attempt to better understand how I am masking and to undo as much as I can so that I don't feel like un-aliving myself (which I've had plans for twice already in my life).
There is the "straight out of a horror movie" history of autism understanding (From Asperger and Nazi death camps to ignoring females in an attempt to make autism fit in a narrow box and keep their status as the only true experts in the field - I'm talking about you Kanner!). A good book about the history of autism is Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman, but don't be lulled in by his description of Asperger not being a Nazi. Asperger killed autistic children and chose to stay where he was. No free pass for him living in a "gray area."
As well, I have found a community of #ActuallyAutistic people on TikTok that have helped me be okay with myself and feel like part of a tribe that actually thinks like me, to the point where I've realized that I'm not unique in my thinking at all, which contrary to what I thought about finding out I wasn't unique is actually more comforting than being an alien living on this planet all alone. This same group of people helped me realize that there is a social model of autism rather than just a medical model of autism and that there are people advocating for us to be seen as people and the stereotypes in popular media (a great book on this movement is The #ActuallyAutistic Guide to Advocacy: Step-by-Step Advice on How to Ally and Speak Up with Autistic People and the Autism Community by Jennifer Brunton, Ph.D. and Jenna Gensic M.A.)
I've also got to read the amazing experiences of non-vocal autistic learning to find their voice through different AAC methods, including seeing their amazing creativity, such as Emily Grodin's poetry in I Have Been Buried Under Years of Dust by Valerie Gilpeer & Emily Grodin. My hope is that books like these find their way to all parents who have autistic children that are non-vocal so they can realize that they are there, waiting to speak; you just need to learn their language.
Day 3: A Special Interest That's Changed or Grown Over Time
I'm going to go with Doctor Who on this one. The fact that the main character regenerates and gets a new actor every few years makes this a constantly changing special interest and one that is hard to adjust to every time the Doctor gets a new body. This special interest has also grown less intense over the years and, oddly, is one that I don't like to experience alone. My niece also loves Doctor Who, and thus it went from me being alone in my love for the Doctor and the TARDIS to including her and then other friends. Now, much like the Doctor, travelling the Whovian world feels strange all alone. Having moved away from my niece, I often want to watch Doctor Who, but can't because it's our shared special interest and I just miss her whenever I watch it alone. It's strange to have a special interest that actually makes me miss a person, seeing as it's hard for me to even remember that people exist (darn you object permanence!).
Day 4: A Special Interest That is Collected/Collections
Hmm, I don't want to double up on the same special interest as books have already been done (but I do have 1368 physical books as of writing this). I used to collect movie tickets from all the movies I had been to, but now the tickets are all electronic and I no longer have ticket stubs to collect. I have a fairly large collection of Lalaloopsy dolls, but I haven't added to that collection in many years.
I guess something that I collect is action figures from all my favourite moves and shows. I have a large collection of video game character action figures (including G'raha Tia from FFXIV, many from Kingdom Hearts, Edna from Tales of Zestiria, Futaba Sakura from Persona 5, a slew of Disney characters, Jareth from the Labyrinth, Yuna from FFX, a rather large collection of stuffies which is probably the weirdest thing to find in a 38-year-old's house who has no children and when children come over they are NOT allowed to touchy!, and Mei Mei from Turning Red because RED PANDAS!).
I'm rather fond of filling my house with memorabilia from things I like so that when I look around, I can be reminded of all my friends.
Day 5: The Special Interest That Has Shaped Your Life the Most
I was not going to detail my special interest in books again, but it is the special interest that has shaped my life the most. I learned how to mask from characters I read about in books, I understood people's motives better because of being able to be in the mind of characters in books, and I felt safe when I was in social situations by simply having a book on my person at all times (in case I was overwhelmed and needed to escape the situation for a while or to pretend to read so I didn't have to talk to someone I wasn't fond of). My plans for the future always involved books. My love of books turned into a love of writing books. I've written 4 science fiction novels that are indie published online. My search for a home was guided by a must-have room for my books (and I found the perfect small mobile home with a long bedroom perfect for a library), and ultimately after many failed attempts at finding a job that didn't burn me out, I realized that I should use my love of books to guide my choice and went back to school to become a library technician so that I could work at a library and catalogue books. As I said on day 1, I am not sure I can define my "self" without books. I may actually just be an Avatar for books.
Day 6: A Special Interest You Share With Someone
My love of video games is shared with my brother Caz. But getting more specific in this special interest, I may have persuaded my friends Sungo and Alice (pseudonyms) to play Final Fantasy XIV in a selfish attempt to have people to share my special interest with. It worked beautifully. Alice and her son Ozwald (pseudonym) like playing the game as much as I do, and Sungo probably does too, he just has a lot of work and health problems that interfere with playing. I have been playing FFXIV since it's early days in 1.0 when it was a trash game that was terrible to play way back in 2010. That means I have been playing FFXIV for 12 years. I've also been playing the same character for those 12 years, Yoru Tsukishisho (Night MoonLibrarian), a Miqo'te (nekomimi; AKA human with cat ears and tail) with blue/gray skin. I think I identify more as my avatar Yoru than I do as my real self. At the very least, her skin feels as real as my own (which is not at all. I'm pretty sure I could float away from my body and not feel any loss over it). I have a mentor status in the game, which I love to
use. I love helping new people navigate the game and learn how to play. I love the glamour (and so does Alice, maybe more than I do 0.o), the rich game environments (The Floating City of Nym is still my favourite place in the game), the amazing storyline (Shadowbringers is brilliant in its ability to make your avatar the main element of the story, and I have never felt that so intimately in any other game), and the amazing friends that come to love you, the Warrior of Light (G'raha I might stop being Aroace for you!).
Despite moving to a new town, I still am able to connect almost daily with my friends because of this game. We are no less close than before I moved and that aspect of the game, giving me a social outlet that is safe and fun, is one of the reasons I have continued to play it for these past 12 years.
Day 7: A Day for Embracing and Celebrating Special Interests: What's something positive your special interests have brought to your life?
Bullet list time. I've had many positive things come out of my special interests:
→ I have a stable job as a library technician because of my love of books.
→ I have constant social contact because of my love of FFXIV
→ I have a connection with my niece because of Doctor Who
→ I have an understanding of a completely different culture because of my special interest in Japan
→ I have a way to combat anxiety because of my love of trees
→ I have two amazing furbabies that help keep me alive because of my love of cats
→ I have the ability to connect and make children feel special because of my love of Disney, cartoons, videogames, and anime.
→ I have learned so many skills from videogames: strategizing, perseverance, hand-eye coordination, logical thinking, creativity, tenacity, patience, team building/player, and generosity.
→ Understanding the way people work better from my special interest in psychology (I'm trying to gain this one back since my regression after my burnout episode made me unable to understand people's motivations).
→ I know a lot about a lot of things because of my love of reading and special interest in knowledge itself.
→ I can teach myself how to do almost anything because of my special interest in learning.
Special interests and hyper-fixations are not deficient things. I've learned so much from my special interests, and I wouldn't give up my way of being in the world for anything. As I mentioned before, allistic people are constantly trying to achieve flow, and for autistic people, achieving flow just means being involved in our special interests.